Meet the Novices

From: stvincentmonks.com

Br. Isidore, n.O.S.B.

The 2008-09 St. Vincent Archabbey Novitiate Class

The choice to enter a Benedictine monastery is not the result of an intellectual proposition which could be neatly expressed in a syllogism. Instead, it can be "unpacked" only as a fundamental act of conversion, involving the entire person dedicated to the pursuit of God in a specific way at a specific monastery. Sacred Scripture asserts that God "knit us together in our mother's womb" and "dedicated us before our very birth". Therefore, our whole being must be, from its first moment, permeated with a sense of our calling, whatever that calling may be. When asked to elaborate on this sense, I feel somewhat like Chesterton's description of a man who was asked to justify human civilization. Nevertheless, the reader is asked to bear with me for a few minutes as I consider several major themes in my life which drew me to Saint Vincent Archabbey.Br. Isidore and our spending time with our deceased brothers

My first experiences of the Faith were not accompanied by lightning, levitation, or other extraordinary phenomena. Although baptized Catholic, I was generally raised to have more interest in material success and liberal culture. Nevertheless, Grace preserved me by giving me a sense of wonder and that there must be more to reality than the material. In spite of my intellectual disposition, my early years were permeated with a deep yearning for silent contemplation of the unseen grandeur hidden in the material phenomena of the world. Blessed with an active imagination, I was able to transform my bedroom into the fantastic worlds of Super Mario Brothers or The Legend of Zelda with my friend. As late as students of Junior High, we bestowed names from J.R.R. Tolkien s mythology upon the places that we hiked on the outskirts of my hometown. Of course, this was still a far cry from a true vocation, given that the blight of materialism was still in my mind, always threatening to divert my attention. Although there were various preliminaries, my explicit encounter with faith came during my sophomore year of High School. In dating a young lady of active Christian faith for two years in High School, I felt a pull toward her Protestantism because of the apparent depth of her sanctity. In short,"I wanted to be as loving as her!"Br. Isidore and his classmates receive the Holy Rule at Investiture

During this time, I began to delve into the Church's teachings in a critical frame of mind but could not shake the suspicion that I was being intellectually dishonest. Motivated by this sense of a haunting attachment, I continued to delve into the Faith and eventually had to admit that I was dishonest in my rejection of the Church. Instead of feeling shame at this, I was blessed with the feeling of being a small man in a huge world, filled with wonders beyond my imagination. The Church herself was a Cathedral upon the world. From the depths of the crypts of darkness to the vaulted heavens, I now found myself profoundly at home. Eventually, I asked my girlfriend what I should do if a sense of calling to the priesthood would persist. Bless her forever! She smiled and said that I should do what God is calling me to do. Unfortunately, I wrote off this sense of calling as the pious aspirations of naïve excitement. However, this wasn't the last time that the call rested upon my heart with great force. I always had an affinity for things traditional from my youth through my last days working as a Software Engineer in Virginia before entering the novitiate. I had a certain sense that contemporary culture was analogous to a rather stagnant pool in comparison to the refreshing depths of things more ancient. However, like Tolkien I had a profound desire for dragons as well as many other things which had something of a mythical or ancient sense. In spite of my love of technology, I often imagined what the world would be like if it we could be more concerned with fundamental matters than with mere technical prowess. In a sense, I felt more at home with those who were much older than me, for they always seemed to have deeper, more ancient wisdom than my peers.

In retrospect, it is of little surprise that I fell in love with praying the Psalter when I came to Saint Vincent College, for in the Divine Office, the Church prays in her most ancient mode, united with millennia of God-fearing humanity. As a student at Saint Vincent College, my praise of God found profound fulfillment as I joined the monks in praying the Divine Office. In place of a frequent sense of abandonment in my prayer, my whole person was taken into the rhythm of millennia of praise of the God for whom my heart yearned. I felt a potential vocation to the monastic life. However, this incipient urge was choked by the thorns of my prideful desire for worldly success. Moreover, there was something else deficient in my character for which I sought amelioration. Although, I profoundly desired to love, I was paralyzed with fear of the vulnerability of being loved. It was during a happy period of dating another young lady in college that I truly began to open my heart to the perilous but beautiful dialogue of love. With this groundwork in place, I finally understood the Johannine summation that "God is Love".

During the last days of this relationship, I struggled with the vacillating sense of a vocation. In due time, it finally erupted into a realization that I was lying to myself by running away from the abbey's doors. Though I hesitated once more in the application process, I finally assessed the various signposts erected by God in the fabric of my life and admitted that they all seemed to be pointing to Saint Vincent Archabbey. Of course, one can misread signs and make incorrect judgments, but this remains true for all choices. Why did I come here? In short: to seek God and configure myself to Christ according to the vocation which appears to be "written upon" my soul. When one truly senses the potential of running toward the Heavenly Jerusalem, one should not delay another moment. Therefore, I came and knocked upon the door of the Novitiate at Saint Vincent Archabbey. So here I am.