Br. John Paul, n.O.S.B.

From: www.stvincentmonks.com

How does a twenty two year old, freshly graduated from Penn State, end up a novice monk at Saint Vincent Archabbey? It was a result of prayer.

I experienced a conversion of heart from a nominal Catholic to a truly practicing one during my freshmen year of college. After this conversion, by praying more and sinning less, vague ideas of a vocation to the priesthood arose in my mind and heart. Shortly after my reversion, I responded to an offer in our campus ministry bulletin to visit St. Vincent Archabbey for a vocation retreat. Through this retreat, the Holy Spirit inspired an urge in my heart to seek a spiritual director.

With the assistance of Father Boniface Hicks OSB, I was able to give myself more generously to Jesus by gradually expanding my prayer life and remaining stable in it. It was through this stability in prayer, the frequent reception of the Sacraments, spiritual direction, and lots of holy reading that I was able to hear the voice of God more clearly. He was tugging on my heart saying to it "Feed my sheep" and "Come,follow me" . Through two profound experiences in prayer before the Blessed Sacrament, this tugging became something I could no longer ignore in good conscience.

With my vocation more solidly discerned and after a few more visits to Saint Vincent and one to St. Paul's Seminary in Pittsburgh; I requested to stay at the Archabbey for six weeks during the summer after my junior year for a prolonged period of discernment. During this time, I experienced many sides of monastic life, began to feel at home in the community, and received the grace of a deepened prayer life.

Additionally, during my junior and senior years at Penn State, Our Lord powerfully called me to leadership positions in the vibrant Catholic community, and used me as instrument of His grace. In teaching and defending the faith, in leading the officers of the Newman Catholic Student Association spiritually and temporally, in suffering for and praying with other students, the priestly vocation, discerned in personal prayer, became more apparent through experience.

Thus, I knew that I had to pursue the priesthood after graduation in order to respond faithfully to the graces of discernment I had received, but I remained unsure as to whether I was being called to the Diocese of Pittsburgh or the Benedictine Order at Saint Vincent. This confusion was cleared-up in three ways: my extended visit in the summer of '07; my participation in the pilgrimage to Rome that St. Vincent offers annually for vocation candidates; and through the intercession of many dearly beloved friends in a prayer group at Penn State.

At the beginning my senior year I intended to enter St. Vincent. After the first semester I felt even more confident that this was God's will. I had a firm sense that by becoming a Benedictine monk I would be a holier priest and that my desire to surrender my being to God in thanksgiving for his love would be more readily fulfilled as a monk.

Ultimately, it was through much prayer, prayer before the Eucharist and to Our Lady, that I was able to hear the voice of God more clearly. I urge all that may be reading this in response to Jesus tugging on their own heart to be open before Christ in the Blessed Sacrament and to give their hearts to Our Lady. Jesus and Mary will take care of the rest. All that has left to do on our part is to surrender. Totus Tuus Maria.